This is meant to be humorous and contains lots of swear words so if your easily offended please do not read but it is just a bit of fun
Christmas day all asleep,
down the stairs I start to creep.
To catch the fat man in his suit,
through his bag I want to root.
Last year he forgot half my list!
If it happens again he will get a glasgae kiss.
Last year I told him I want a bike,
the bastards death I got a kite.
I am trying so hard to be quiet,
that fat man needs to go on a diet.
I get down stairs no-ones there,
at the tree I stand and stare.
Lots of gifts under the tree,
some for others…..some for me.
Oh well…..gives me a chance to have a press
and what’s in the boxes…. have a guess.
Some are small……some are big,
under the tree I have a dig.
Nothing there shaped like a bike,
bet there’s fuck all there that I will like.
They said he is watching who is good,
so I didn’t swear and ate my food.
I better get something great,
or next your I will not take the bait.
If you ever ate my mums food,
you would know its not very good.
This really was a sacrifice,
as her food could really take a life.
I hear my parents they are awake.
I get a fright and start to shake.
I hope they didn’t hear me swear,
My sister grass?…….She wouldn’t dare!
Before we open gifts we go to church.
This really is far too much!
After the service they stop to chat,
trying so hard not to be a brat.
Home eventually to open gifts,
as I was about to start a bloody rift.
We open gifts one after the other,
me, my sister and little brother.
Pram and doll for my sister,
mum bent down then hugged and kissed her.
My little brother got a trike,
what happened to his fucking kite.
Mum shouts me up to her room.
Sigh! What’s she want now the bloody loon.
Up the stairs I start to hike,
then I see my fucking bike.
At my mum I start to smile,
I think I’ll be good……well for a while.
She take a picture of me and my bike,
puts it on facebook and gets some likes.
Thank you Santa for my gift,
you can forget about that glasgae kiss.
I think your lovely no matter what they say,
as you’ve really made my fucking day.
When next year comes around,
I will save up my every pound.
With the money I get paid,
I’ll buy you a little hearing aid.
So next year when a lad wants a bike,
he doesn’t get a stupid kite.
As he might tell you were to shove it
and I’m telling you Santa you will not love it.
Written by Jerri42
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